A few years ago, when I was young, I had many fears. One of them was to become old, and another was to become boring. Actually, I had a very specific idea of what boring meant: for me, serious couples were boring, because they were constant and seemingly not exciting. So, I judged. When someone I knew started a good relationship, my second instinct after being happy for them was to dread the inevitable: the moment they would become boring.
Why? Because I was fed rom-coms in an IV, and religiously watched Sex & the City as if it were reality. Now, when I imagine myself in my thirties (which does not take that much imagination…), I can’t imagine being as messy as Carrie, in my closet or in my relationships. But back then, in my late teens/early twenties, I firmly believed that having drama signified being alive. And as far as I knew, couples who ‘settled down’, steady couples, did not have drama.
I was wrong on so many levels…first of all, just because it’s not visible to me doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, and I ended up discovering that serious couples do have drama from time to time, but they just don’t display it as gleefully as silly 19-year-olds who go on a third date once in a blue moon. Another thing I was wrong about, is that ‘drama is life’. Yeah, more like ‘drama is a pain in the ass’.
This weekend, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 4 years together. It may not seem like much, in the grand scheme of things, but to me it is a lot. When I met him, I was not in a very stable place: I was anxiously waiting for a job offer, and my relationships had been shaky for, well…all my life. I don’t want to say that he ‘saved me’ from bad relationships, that’s not the narrative I want to take part in. But meeting him woke me up. I realized that drama was the enemy, not the fuel. I realized that there is nothing wrong with seeming a little boring to others, as long as you are happy in your own life and relationship.
Maybe I’m getting old, maybe it’s just that. Maybe my youthful fears came true: I am older and therefore boring. But you know, I’ll take it. I feel happier staying in and watching Netflix with my boyfriend than I used to feel staying up until 2am waiting for some guy to call. Stability is not boring, it is fulfilling. I’m not saying our life is perfectly stable, we have fights, and probably more than we would like to. But every fight is not a potential threat to our relationship, it is merely a little annoyance.
Here’s another way to put it. When I was younger, I really liked the movie He’s just not that into you. You know, where Bradley Cooper cheats on his wife Jennifer Connelly with his mistress Scarlett Johansson. Well, as a young bitch in her early twenties, I used to feel really bad for Scarlett Johansson’s character. I was all like ‘Bradley’s wife is so BORING, why wouldn’t he be attracted to this fun, gorgeous blonde with huge boobs?’. I found him excuses and found it really tragic that he and Scarlett did not find their way to each other in the end. I rewatched the movie recently (don’t judge me, it was on TV)(…)(Fine, it was on demand. But it was for free.), and I realized I was really insensitive before. Bradley Cooper is obviously a fuckboi, and Jennifer Connelly is a boss, especially when she leaves his ass in the end. I still feel bad for Scarlett, but when she purposefully decides to seduce a married man, I want to stage an intervention for her and tell her that she deserves better.
The point is, Jennifer Connelly was never boring. Maybe she got too hung up on the color of their wallpaper, and she definitely wrongly accused her contractor of smoking in her brand new house, but apart from that, she did nothing wrong. She was simply comfortable in her relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
After years of relationship, I’m not saying the passion necessarily has to be gone, but I’m just saying that we can’t act like Scarlett Johansson every single day. If you were to look into my phone, and into my conversations with my boyfriend, you wouldn’t see a lot of steamy texts. You would probably see me ask him what he wants to have for dinner, and you would definitely see us exchange gifs of cute baby sloths.