I wasn’t playing with you yesterday. I am really going to talk about something so futile that it requires a Kardashian pic. I’m gonna talk about makeup, or rather, the lack thereof.
I already mentioned my body and the way I view it (yeah, remember this very tasteful ‘Heavy Boobs’ gif??). Today, the guest of honor is my face.
I have never really been into makeup. Except when I was a teenager, a little bit. When I started being allowed to wear some light makeup, I got really excited. My mom bought me mascara, and this cool eye shadow jumbo pencil -give me a break, it was the early 2000s- that made my eyelids soooo shimmery and gold. I wore the same makeup every day, and I loved the way it made me feel like a grownup.
Then, I got tired of it and started wearing less and less. By the end of high school, it was only mascara. I wasn’t wearing as much makeup as most of my friends, who actually coated their faces with foundation every morning, but I still felt like my tiny little drop of mascara protected me from my real face. When I had to go to gym class, or worse, the SWIMMING POOL, it made me slightly anxious. Everybody, including my crush, would see my real face. I knew that rationally, I didn’t put on much, so removing it did not make me look any different. In fact, I was probably the only one who noticed the change. But it still made me anxious, and my relationship with my (tiny) makeup bag became very dependent.
However, one thing that always scared me is foundation. I had a friend in high school who would not get out of the house without a full face of makeup, including a few coats of foundation and a shitton of liquid eyeliner. Not only did it make me scared for her every time it rained -and we lived in Normandy, so it rained pretty much all the time-, but it actually made me feel borderline claustrophobic for her.
Me when I try to wear foundation.
I mean, it was basically like coating your face in cement, because the products she used were incredibly cheap and bad quality. I think it made me scared of face coverage for life, because I don’t think I’ve ever actually owned foundation.
It would have been an easy solution though, because as a teenager, I had quite a lot of acne. Not a drastic amount, but it was still noticeable enough that people would comment if my skin was suddenly clearer than usual. It was really unfair -like all acne- because I took really good care of my skin. I’ve never been much of a makeup freak, but I have always loved owning really good lotions, face masks, creams, etc. When my acne didn’t disappear by my 14th birthday (I was an early bloomer), my mom asked one of her friends, who was a beautician, to come to our home and give me a facial every month. I loved those moments when I could just relax and let myself be pampered. But one time, I had told this woman -her name was Danielle- that I was going to a friend’s birthday party that same night, and she thought it would be nice to give me kind of a makeover. I mean, it was really nice, but she proceeded to put a ton of makeup on my face, including the much dreaded foundation *insert scary movie music here*. The quality was much better than that of the products my friends used, so it didn’t feel terrible, but I still felt caked and stuck in a skin that wasn’t mine. I thanked her profusely, but as soon as she left the house, I washed my face abundantly.
To this day, my makeup routine is extremely basic. Most days, it is inexistant. I don’t think I’ve worn mascara more than 3 times this whole summer, and the most I will put on my skin is BB cream (the most coverage I can handle, but also better than nothing because I am prone to redness). The last time I wore a shitton of makeup was Halloween, 2 years ago, when my boyfriend and I went as Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian (R.I.P. Scourt). Obviously, I didn’t feel like myself, but it was supposed to be a disguise after all.
Yup, excatly, Dwight.
A few years ago, I wouldn’t have left the house without mascara, the same way I wouldn’t have gone anywhere without doing my hair, and probably straightening it. Now, I feel like I have reached such a level of self-acceptance and self-love that I don’t feel compelled to do this every day. I like getting dolled up for special occasions, or when I just feel like it, but it is no longer a source of anxiety because I am no longer dependent on my beauty products. I completely understand women who are really into makeup, because it can be fun, and some women are just really good with it. I don’t judge anyone because they put foundation on every day. My dislike for it is purely personal, and if you love getting your makeup on, I encourage and applaud you. I simply realized that a daily makeup routine is not for me, because I would do it out of fear to look like myself, not out of passion.
Now, as a 26-year-old woman, I am proud to parade my face around without a trace of makeup on it. Most days. Because most days, I would consider it a chore. When you see me wearing mascara or, *gasp*, eye liner, it means I really wanted to make an effort and I consider this day to be special.